My Beliefs

I am an Earthbound Angel and with such a title there's a lot to explain. My belief is that we are all here for a reason. We have a lesson to learn, goal to fulfill, or just knowledge to gain. If we can pay attention the universe will be right there to help us when we need it.

 I believe, in part, that I was something like an angel before being born onto this earth. It's difficult to explain exactly what I mean but I'll try. My belief is that there is a plain between this world and the next (the next being something much more beautiful and exalted). That plain is where all our souls are and continue to return to, until all the lessons or knowledge we need to learn is learnt. Once that final end is reached we ascend to a new level of consciousness. Unfortunately, that's where my expansion of the other worldly stuff ends as there’s no way for me to even begin to fathom what is beyond that point.

Basically, each time we die, we return to that plain between this human world and the next. We meet up with all the other souls not currently in human form, some of whom we've known at various times in our human lives. It's a wonderful place and it feels like home. Many then go ahead and plan their next life and which lessons they need to learn in that one. It's not set in stone, of course. Once we're ready we return again to human form.

There are more and more children being born that are able to describe past life experiences in detail and the reason, in my opinion, is because we're all getting much closer to going home and onto the next plain. Some of our memories are retained when the soul enters the human body. This is why, at times, you may meet a child and feel like you've known them forever, or that they seem to have wisdom way beyond their years. However, as time passes or because of current life experiences or upbringing, those memories fade for many. This is where our soul mates come in.

The moment someone says the words "soul mate" people automatically assume romantic relationship. This is not always the case. I believe that you usually feel an instant connection to your soul mate when you meet them, however, any soul mate that enters our life has done so for a reason. They've done so either because we're not on the path we chose for ourselves or to aide us in the journey as we set out in our path prior to returning to this earthly plain.

Soul mates are not always of the opposite sex. Some soul mates whom enter our life are not going to be here to stay for the remainder of our human life. It's going to feel like they are; it's going to feel like you've known them forever, which is partly true; it's going to feel like you're meant to be together forever, but that's only the case until you grow and change, which is the whole reason they enter your life in the first place. Still, other soul mates that enter our life are there to stay and continue helping us with the destiny we've chosen.

Have you ever felt, like for some unknown reason, the world stands still for a very brief moment, a moment that feels like an eternity, and in that moment you've felt so right it's almost indescribable? Have you ever had deja vu? Those of you who have, understand the feeling I'm trying to describe. That feeling means you're in perfect alignment with the path you've chosen for this lifetime. It's an amazing feeling and words do it no justice. When you get that feeling you're on the right path, your gaining the right knowledge or life experience you need to complete this life's journey. Of course, the alignment may not be what you expected, but at least it means you're on the right path, and following you're own plans.

All of the above being said, you still have free will. Suicide, murder, fatal accidents (sometimes non fatal accidents) are all part of this earthly plain and because all our lives are intertwined, sometimes the end comes too soon or an emotional choice is made which is not in line with our destiny. In these cases, another soul's life journey may be prematurely cut short. It doesn't mean that that's the end. The soul returns to the plain between this world and the next, and they begin planning their journey again. There are times, however, when these "accidents" are destined to happen in order to learn a certain life lesson. Yes, in a way I'm saying that sometimes we've actually planned to experience the loss of a loved one or a non-fatal accident, but only to grow stronger and gain more life experience. Sometimes these "accidents" are destined to happen. You have chosen this as your lesson to learn something from it.

The universe (because I don’t have another word for it) is always there. If we pay attention, there are times when information couldn’t be clearer. Have you ever taken a look back on your life and thought, if I had paid more attention I would have known I was heading in this direction? I’m not talking about hindsight so much as the ability to get where you need to be more quickly. In other words, you can take the long and difficult road, or you can take the path that’ll lead you straight to your next life lesson. The universe is always there guiding you on the straight path but often times we’re too stressed or our minds are to cluttered to take a step back and notice.

Here is a very good example, in my opinion, of the universe helping you. This is a personal experience and as such the names have been changed to protect both my identity and that of those in my story.

In 2003, I met one of my soul mates. It was almost instantaneous, knowing we were right for each other, and it was definitely mutual. We spent almost every waking hour together. We’d go everywhere together, do practically everything together, and wrote to each other while we worked. We wrote poetry to each other and spent our money on gifts for each other. There was a connection that felt like we’d literally known each other all our lives. It was absolutely amazing. It was so amazing that within a year we were engaged. Then, George had to move. He moved away but we kept in touch. We spoke on the phone almost non-stop, e-mailed each other, and when we could be online at the same time, we’d chat on MSN.

Not long after George moved, I went to visit. I knew that we wouldn’t have the chance to see each other for awhile (as we both had enrolled in post-secondary educational institutions) and I need to see him. The visit was beautiful, but something inside me knew that when I got on that bus to return home, that was the end of the relationship. After I returned home, our relationship ended just as I knew it would. I never received a reason why he broke up with me, at that time. The whole experience hit me very hard along with a number of other stressful events happening in my life and I just wanted to end it all. However, it set into place an amazing chain of events that bring me to this point in my life now.

My parents are divorced and I lived with my mom. I remember my dad telling me that he didn’t love me anymore when I was younger and had requested to live with him. That’s how I remember it though. It made me very angry and I had vowed to never let anyone hurt me like that again. I buried my emotions and in the process allowed my anger to grow in its’ place. I had not seen my dad since that incident (about 12 years). Well, when my fiancé broke my heart, in my mind I had nothing left to lose. I was at my lowest point. I decided to locate my father and face him. Amazingly, the universe was there again.

I only had his street address of where I thought my father lived. I could have looked it up on a map, but at that time, I decided that if I was meant to see my dad I’d be given a sign. I received many signs that day. First, I located the address without a map to direct me (in an unknown city). Then, as I sat wondering if my dad lived at this address he drove up the street right in front of me. By this point, I figured if there was going to be any clearer sign it’d be in neon lights. I went to see my dad. Doing so began my healing process. Things weren’t how I had remembered them.

I began to mend in some ways. I kept in touch with my dad and George, as I never really stopped loving him. By summer 2005 I met a new man, Edward. We got along great and I thought we were in love. I mistook the love I felt as an unconditional kind of love and we got engaged. We spent 3 years together. Each year a new wedding date and each time the date came closer, I would cancel. I thought that I was just getting “cold feet” but I now know that wasn’t the case.

The final straw was when I began to have heart palpitations and was informed it was due to stress. I cancelled our wedding a final time, only 2 weeks before the “big day.” Both Edward and I although in love, were not meant to be lovers. Our friendship still holds true to this day but he is now happily married to another. My heart palpitations began fading from the moment I made my decision to cancel the wedding and call off our engagement permanently. From that point on, I began really searching to figure out who I was.

George returned to my life a few months later (although we'd never truly stopped speaking), and Edward and I mutually agreed to end our relationship and remain friends. I wanted what George and I had back. George did too. He had plans to move again and I told him that I would be going with him this time. Once I made the decision everything seemed to fall into place. I managed to get a large sum of money to assist me in moving, I was offered a job in the city I planned to move to, and I found a place of my own to live. All of this happening within a month! I was certain the reason for all of this was because we were meant to be together forever. It very well could have been, but I most likely caused things to work out differently.

Shortly after moving, I met another man Shawn and we got along great. He wasn’t a soul mate, but my belief at that time was that there’s only one (I believe differently now). George didn’t really know about Shawn, even though Shawn knew about George. The feeling I was trying to get back from our original relationship (George and I) never quite returned. There was resentment and anger still inside me. I wanted revenge.

A couple of months after moving I got my revenge. I broke up with George and left him with a broken heart this time. It was upsetting, but at the same time I felt freed. I started dating Shawn. He needed me, his son needed me.

I began dating Shawn and I did my best to help him. I still believed that there is only one soul mate, and because I believed that and that George had been the one, I gave up the search. I settled for Shawn.

Shawn wanted to set our wedding date for October 10, 2010, I moved it to September 9, 2009. That was something I shouldn’t have done. I wasn’t ready to settle. I wasn’t ready to be married, no matter what I thought at that time. There’s a reason Shawn picked the date and I shouldn’t have changed it. The marriage was one of convenience not love and now I’m stuck for the time being.

I know it sounds crazy, but there were and are so many signs if one pays attention. I’m more in tune with myself, and because of this I’m more in tune with my emotions and my thoughts. I only wish I was more aware of all this years ago.

I’ve started writing again more than ever before. My creativity has returned with full force. I believe this has a lot to do with finally beginning to find myself.

I don’t know if you can see from my story my point that the universe fills the gaps, but I see it. And really, it only matters that I see it. I just really hope to be enlightening to someone else. I grew up being taught that there’s only one true belief system and it didn’t feel right. When certain incidents occurred and the opportunity arose to leave that belief system I did. I was able to take a step back and do my own searching and I believe what I’ve found with all my heart. It doesn’t matter if you believe the same thing, only that you believe.

Now that I’ve thoroughly confused you, I’ll leave you in peace. I can’t guarantee that any further entries won’t be as long-winded as this one. When I get writing on a subject that I’m passionate about, I just can’t seem to stop.